Twin Flames – The Dance PtII

Twin Flame reunion. It has a nice ring to it, right? Rumoured to be the discovery of the most *true* love that you will ever experience and coveted as the most idyllic and wonderful relationship you’re ever going to have.

But let’s stop there and reclaim the facts, shall we?

Reality check. You are not likely to have much of a ‘relationship’ with your Twin Flame at all. All the Twin Flames know it. One day you meet that WOW! Perfect soul mate. The first time you have ever experienced this feeling of pinnacle connection. Angels are literally singing in your ear. You can feel your hearts share love from a distance. The passion is tremendous, you can drown in the sound of their voice. You’re Awake, suddenly so creative, so ignited and so so soooo in love. And you know they feel it too. Awww! Aaaaaand gone… they’re gone. Wait! What? They’re gone? Why? How? That wasn’t supposed to happen! This was destiny. Absolutely everything confirmed that this was our destiny and then… No? This is the familiar story of all Twin Flames. I know many will hope to avert this with ‘spiritual maturity’ or ‘Pre-cleared Karma’ but that’s a ruse. Twin Flame is about the Dance, not the relationship. It’s about your soul purpose, not your coupledom. And it’s about time that everybody knew.

Shortly after this shocking and, apparently, premature end to your great Love Story, in most cases, is when you find out you’re a Twin Flame.  But what, exactly, are you supposed to do with that knowledge? For the most of us it comes as a comforting reassurance of the thing that we know deep down. That this wasn’t just the ‘fly by night’ it seems to have turned into. There *is* a ‘relationship’ in the offing, somewhere down the track. We just gotta do the work. The karmic work, the shadow work, the mission work, the soul extraction, the surrender, the radiance… (the list goes on) to get ourselves to union. Then it will all be fine. Right? Relationship heaven, here we come!!

Hands up who has been ‘doing the work’ for years, surrendering daily, acting in selfless service, studying, clearing, creating, manifesting, divining and scrying, attending seminars and self help workshops… (insert another long list here) all the while wondering when this damnable “union” is gonna happen. I bet that’s a *lot* of hands, right now.’

Now, I’m not going to tell you to stop doing this. As far as I can understand, it is the right message; Twin Flame is kind of a job, right here and now, on the planet and if you’re working hard toward understanding yourself and your mission you are on the right track, I’m sure. The Dance is not an alternative to The Work. It’s not a different way of being for Twin Flames as opposed to what we already do but, rather, a more concise elucidation of *how* we do, what we are already doing, with a little side of *why*.

Most Twin Flames describe their experience as a rollercoaster. The Dance is why this feels that way. The Dance is a crash course tour of the critical angles in the Geometry of your Soul, an introduction to your true and Godly self, through connection, reflection and synchronicity. The Dance is, of course, not really for the faint of heart. If there is something (someone) inside you that you are afraid to face, guess who is coming to dinner? No Twin Flame will successfully inscribe the dance by skirting any inner demon. That just *is* so be aware. And read on if you dare 😉

In the inner polarity expansion of that original source disturbance, which is you, at the dipole expansion (you and twin flame) there is already a universe. However, the energy does further expand into more and more complex dimensions, making possible the universe of other humans and variables that we now see. It is not critical to understand that all of this perception is really a reflection of the original energy. The universe will prove that to you just being itself, but it is worth a mention here before I go on, for reasons which will be, later, apparent.

As the expansion into higher dimensions of interaction occurs, certain patterns begin to stabilize in the matrix. You can picture these like the borderlines of a mandala symbol, or a spirogram, as they arise from essentially the same principle. While the energy interacts, crosses and overlaps itself, certain paths, within, tend to be taken more than others. There is a symmetry to these paths and they are the borders of dynamic being for this expanding disturbance. We can use mathematical terms to describe these paths as the critical angles of the soul geometry. These are the beginnings and endings of divisions within the soul and the containers of individual /types/ (or values) of energy that a soul can express. This concept, however it may sound, is not new. It has actually been advised and explored for centuries of human civilization and is more commonly known as the Chakra Energy Centres.

Each Chakra Energy Centre, as you commonly know them, is an analogue of a critical angle in the geometry of your soul being. These angles can actually be used to describe inner polarities of the Self, for example ones masculine vs ones feminine expression can be encapsulated in the description of varying Chakra energies. Further main self polarities that are relevant here are the light vs shadow self and the dream vs waking conscious self. All of these polarities can be described as acting from one vs another Chakra level.

Usually, we line these energy levels up along the centre of our body, however, in Soul Geometry they are more accurately represented as opposing and complimentary angles of a circular (cyclic) whole and, from this, their polar nature is more naturally apparent. Each polar pair is are the extremities of an individual dimension in the soul expansion and, through the dance the Twin Flame pair find themselves, in turn, embodying those extremities in their universe. Each point of embodiment (which feels like reaching the top of a big slope on the rollercoaster) calls up the pure signature of, one aspect of, their true Divine identity in to each of their individual experiences. One by one, turn by turn each of the Twin Flames will encounter connections at the end of little synchronicity ‘rainbows’. Each connection will awaken and resonate purely with a different Energy centre of your being. One will make your heart explode, others will speak to your mind in ways you never dreamed possible, another will awaken a sexuality within you that cannot be measured (wait for it, it’s actually later in the flow than you think), and yet another will bring to life, for the first real time ever, the people your child self always wished to be among, your ‘soul family’ community. All of this will happen in the dance, all this and more. I know at least a few Twin Flames who have already experienced many of these steps, and now many more will also.

To be concluded…

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Twin Flames – The Dance


Welcome to the new paradigm.

If you have found this page, you’re meant to, that’s the universe we live in but it stops there. You’re meant to – Why you’re meant to, What the purpose, of it, is, for you, How you’re meant to receive it.. Those are other matters and not intimated at all by your, simply, being here reading this, in any way. And so it is from here that we begin.

The universe is energy, everything is formed by energy and of it. Luckily, energy has just the capacity to be, both, craftsman and craft like that. A jiggling proton can push things around, kinetically and thermodynamically, or, combined with its own polar tendency in orbit, can form masses and, ultimately, a material world.

We have, long, believed in a fundamental beingness which, simply, is the ability of energy to form itself and gaze upon its likeness. We call it many names but one of my favorite things we call it is the Soul.

Energy is simple. There is a source and the source signature propagates itself. That’s it.

We get to arguing about God when we try to determine that the source must require a complexity of its own and exercise some command over the ensuing propagation other than the fundamental “what it is” in essence. This is a fatal underestimation of the nature of energy. Below 500Thz needs exercise no control over any thing in order to prove itself red. It simply bounces around in cavities of frequency space and voila! Red! Think of energy this way and no source needs complexity of its own, the tiniest fragment of disturbance is enough, the merest will to be, to exist, is the beginning of everything.

And, so too, is the soul. We stumble on this concept trying to draw it from layers of complexity and ordinance when, really, as our modern science is daily proving, all it really needs to be is a drop, in an ocean of nothingness. The tiniest fleck of disturbance. Because, after that, it is energy, and from there, it can be anything. Anything at all.

The Mathematical analogue of a singular local disturbance is known as a monopole. A source monopole, as an energy signature, has features which determine the effects of its propagation over itself. That is to say the disturbance carries a momentum, this carries over multiple orthogonal plane dimensions. The momentum of the waves through the planes, colliding with each other, form the kind of resonance cavities that we observe when we shine light on red sized molecules, cavities which filter out a level of the whole disturbance source and make it something singularly identifiable. The basic function of this over 3 dimensions is easy to describe, thus:

From the centre of original disturbance there is the momentum along planes directly away from that centre, you can picture this in your mind as an expanding sphere, sliced into planes. Each plane of propagation in such a scenario is angular, relative to its neighbors so, in terms of its location in the whole, each plane has a lean (and if you picture it as a random line through a circle you can see the lean is up on one side of the circle and down on the other) that lean gives each plane a lateral moment, relative to its near neighbors, which propogates orthogonally away from the plane (a dipole tendency). So from a single, simple, disturbance, natural sets of planes, in two orthogonal dimensions, filled with energetic tendency, combining, crossing and overlapping each other. Two interacting planes equals three dimensions of reality, ergo, ladies and gents, from a drop of nothing in nothing, I give you a 3d universe.

But that wasn’t the point, entirely, was it? So the truth is this is, also, a soul. A soul is a universe. You are a universe. You, and one other beingness incorporating all the energetic tendencies that move polar to your identity. The everything that you are not. We’ve been calling that the Twin Flame. In reality, it is a fundamental principle of your existence. You exist because they exist, the flame and your universe. In truth, in energy, this is what makes existence possible; from nothing. Congratulations. You just found God.

I have long dreamed of being able to articulate these things. Many years of study and determination came to fruition gradually after the pivotal event in my life of meeting the other half of source disturbance that defines my existence. The one I call my Twin Flame. As you may discover by exploring this blog further, we fell quite hard for each other at the start, pulled together by fate, and pushed apart just as suddenly. It would seem, perhaps, that we had failed, there, in our destiny. It would seem as though being together, for two so vital to each other, was the highest imperative and, yet, we could not. The higher self of guidance, the God within, gladly claimed responsibility for this debacle, indeed even, one night, firmly standing between us in an Astral vision with a hand on each of our chests saying “See, you both want it equally but stop fighting this. I am doing this to you both for a reason.”

I guess that was the day I embraced the dance.

To be continued…

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Twin Flame Healing and Separation Cycle – Why?

I don’t know about you but contact with twin, for me, is incredibly healing. I was given, by Higher Self guidance, to understand that the Twin Flame pair comprises the entirety of source, as a union, resulting in the two “filling each other up” with unlimited energy when in contact. I only experience this “filling up” phenom with the Flame. In other soul connections I am acutely aware of there being limited “energy” to exchange; with Twin, though, one hug and we’re good for another year, just about. That is how the healing has manifested for me.

The feeling of unlimited energy may, for some people, underlie the sense of attachment to having one’s Twin Flame close. Especially those whose traumas are deep, many and difficult to manage. Because our nervous system uses energy directly to keep itself in check under stress, a natural source of that, like closeness, would be a scary thing to lose.

That all said, the thing about this source tap for Twin Flames is that it is only with limited perceptible energy available that the gradient can go both ways. That is, we can feel loss and dissipation of energy, which drives change and generates “new” life in us, only if the available energy is perceptibly limited. With unlimited source tapping, however, as is the case for Twin Flame connection, the gradient only goes one way. Up.

An “up energy gradient” feeds what is, and that’s all it does.
This is why, in the runner/chaser separation cycles, coming together brings everything “up” (and up and up until it explodes and pushes you both back into separation). There is no escaping that a one way gradient can only enhance what already exists. If we come together broken, the broken gets enhanced by the dynamic very quickly. When we ultimately, potentially, come together reborn and ready for mission, then that is what will be enhanced. Until we are ready, though, we need the energy to cycle through all levels so it can catalyse the change into our readiness.

So, even though instantaneous healing energy comes from contact with our source tap energy, it cannot facilitate the permanent resolution of our trauma blockages as those require perceptible change in our energy level to unblock. In other words, being with Twin Flame for long periods unhealed can perpetuate emotional pain by feeding it. Imagine source energy is pouring into your sadness, like the sun to a flower, and growing it. Separation seems like a better alternative, doesn’t it?  I do feel it would be rare for Twin Flames to successfully stay together unhealed as the connection naturally deals with this imbalance quite well, but in the exceptional case it would be better to know more about how separation is a healthy part of the process that we do well to embrace.

What is the difference between Soul Mates and Twin Flames

In the geometry of the soul, source is an original disturbance. This disturbance resonates across the entire universe. Light (cyclic energy) is the lateral, peripheral branch of the disturbance, simply a drawn distance proportion to relational points on the field expanding its internal dimensions.

In mathematical terms this is a multipole expansion of a point source, the first expansion, the dipole expansion, are the twin flames. Counter to what you may intuit here, further expansions of the cyclic, transverse wave form do not define Soul Mate energy. Multipole expansion of source is a property common to your whole [reflected] universe; Twin Flames split up, not into more people groups but, into everything and the singular embodiment of everything, the whole and source, is the Twin Flame. There is no other like this. Soul mate energy, on the other hand, is described by vibrational match, or harmony.

Vibrational match, or harmony means this:

  • on the transverse axis of the soul your Soul Mate’s wavelength “constructively interferes” with yours in that energy centre
  • on the longitudinal axis the structure of the energy location is a resonant cavity for your Soul Mate’s vibration.

We each carry signatures of the original disturbance, generally we think of these as our frequencies. Each of our energy centres has a uniquely personal frequency. Over a range of angles, which are representative of these frequency bands, there are major angles and minor angles. The major angles, embodied, are people of a special vibrationary match or harmonic of one of our energy centres, these are Soul Mates.

Twin Flames will meet with matches to all their energy (chakra) centres in one way or another.
Some call that Soul Family, to me it is embodiment of critical angles in the geometry of our soul. Those angles are frequencies that give us major energy centre reactions when we come into contact with them and this is how we can have many soul mates of equally powerful connection.

In terms of our ability to discern the difference, as it accords with our experience, my best advice is to try to understand that the difference is not the most important thing for you to know, as a person experiencing Soul Connections. The most important thing to know is that both Twin Flame and /Primary Angle/ Soul Mate embodiments have crucial roles in the shaping of the new world. Both types of connections will actively contribute to the ascension in a unique way, Twin Flame energy will embody one part and, in integration, mass Soul Mate resonances will embody the other.

The Chemical Wedding

To me you are all the contents of my ego, poured out on the surface contours of the looking glass. You are in your world and I in mine. There are some of us for whom the glass is thinner, or the ego construct is more likeness and thus, comfortable. Our neighbourly egos and worlds are soul comfort. We are mates of a sort.

Like egos are sincere companions, the ease is matched effort, the worlds may be far apart but the projection is harmonic.

Near worlds are not necessarily harmonic but there is gravity. A primal and infinite force which draws the two egos together into combined experience. Like satellites to planets these two will orbit each other, subtle cyclic forces will draw on the surface of one or the other, or even both worlds. These are Karmic and contract soul mates. Often it could be supposed that one ego is of a lesser magnitude or “weight” than the other. The lighter world will orbit the gravity well of the heavier. And, since each sees only the projection of their ego, as the gravity of the moon reshapes the surface of the earth through tidal movements so does the lighter ego reshape the image of itself on the greater egos reflection in the glass. The gravitational pull and closeness of worlds convinces the ego that the two may touch so the lesser ego reaches out and out with itself in an endless effort to touch that which can never truly be realised. For our worlds come from inside and it is only inside that we truly find anyone in our world.

The myth of the Sun and the Moon. Two lovers, separated into worlds which cannot meet. One in day and one in night, eternally chasing each other in an endless dance of hope.

The light of the moon is the light of the Sun. The moon, held in earths gravity shines her light on the earth, with her body she moves the surface of the earth like our ego moves upon the surface of the looking glass. Sadness is written on her face as she fades renews and tries again to touch her beloved in her reflection. He burns hot, determinedly, persistently projecting himself on everything, looking for her. He looks everywhere with every fibre of his being. She looks hard and long and deep until she is exhausted trying to make him appear from his hiding place.

One day nothing stands in their way and they come face to face. She is warmed by his touch and shines more brightly than ever. She becomes full and makes to run into his waiting arms. Then darkness falls and she is alone again.

Her sadness aches, his touch is gone taking her hope with it. In her silence she reflects. In time she becomes aware that her light, is his light! All this time she thought he was gone he was there! On her skin, in her world!  He is a part of her and she will never be alone again.

Rapture

August 9 2014

Throughout my journey as a seeker of enlightenment, I have had a friend, a divine guide, advising me and cautioning me on my way. This higher self counsels me on my on my fears and hopes like the comforting voice of a Mother and directs me in my stages of growth like the tempered hand of a Father. Lately, in this trying time of my personal quest, the trusted voice of my ego has given way to the quiet intuitive guidance of my higher self and to my great joy it has lead me to encounter greater fortunes than I imagined possible.

The purpose of a twin flame relationship is not the purpose of the Twin Flames as individuals. Twin Flames have long given their purpose to the service of God by the time they unite and it is that purpose, the purpose of the Divine all that is, which underlines their union. I have been given to understand with utmost seriousness that the relationship between me and my Twin is not my relationship but God’s own, and to God’s purpose and will alone. This is certainly not a disappointment for me, such feelings as I have for my twin are a delightful gift under any circumstances and I would say Thy Will be Done!

On a number of occasions the universe has offered up a test of my resolve, though at the time it seemed like anything but. These occasions were small opportunities just thrown in my path, to speak my heart’s fondest desire. Each time, without thinking or even pausing to take in the opportunity at all, my mind jumped straight to him and I found myself over and over without hesitation deciding my only deepest and most fervent wish was to be with my Flame forever.

April 29 2016

Exactly one year passed when the challenge rose that truly tests that resolve. I say tests with full deliberation on the implication of this being a present influence.

I took my resolve, above, into meeting a person. It had been a long time since I had seen my flame and just a few days since we had talked and I had openly responded to his plans for marriage to another girl. I hadn’t done that before. It was a step. A not so unusual step in such a very unusual connection. You see, having so much intuitive insight into anothers circumstances is a difficult thing to navigate. The more you know in higher dimensions, the less you’re sure where you actually meet in the physical dimension. So it makes conversation difficult. For example, try “Hey last night when we were by that waterfall … except we weren’t… it was a picture in my mind that I could swear you were sharing with me….” hmmmm, that’s going to be awkward to broach… but it did happen, with someone. Not Twin Flame. And I could never find a way across that gap of connection. I wonder how some do. Do you just blurt it out and hope for the best?

Anyhow, so I met this person and this was all just supposed to be fun at this stage, a “get back up and enjoy  life” moment. But it didn’t go as planned. Something all too quickly fell into place and I was drawn in before it even hit me. I went so far as to remind myself, with these big beautiful hazel eyes staring up at me, that this was temporary at best.
I started to wonder how I would be able to let him go, and we’d barely met.

I was changing, going through a pretty intense transformational period of my life, still reeling from the drastic turns of the previous two years and not so certain of my place yet in the ones to come. My life was, veritably, a whirlwind of cataclysms and losses. Not much to look at, but it was growing a strong person underneath, somehow. As these things often do. Most of it was fairly beyond my control, but still, not a place to be conducive to a successful love affair and these things definitely got in the way. On reflection, whether that should make me sad, is out to deliberation for now. If I can have only him or me, then I shall take <me>, but so much for me wondering how I would let him go; I sit brokenhearted for losing him.
Irony.

Soulmate Synastry pt II

 

**For Synastry, Astrology and Psychic reading services by Parvati and Psyche visit Facebook/starflamesign

In part one of this series of posts I talked about having a number of special relationships which are evident in our synastry charts as reciprocal grand trine configurations. I have decided to share some images of these synastry charts here. One of these is my Twin Flame, one is my ex-husband, two are family and another is a new acquaintance with whom I share a very spiritual connection… you’re welcome to make a guess which is which 😉 :

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Doing Magic

It’s odd that we only ever half believe what we’re seeing sometimes. Hindsight is 20-20, but in the now a lot is happening right under our own noses, moreover there’s a lot we’re making happen and completely unaware until we look back and see ourselves doing magic.

Sometime during my revelation experience, I was made aware that the completion of my journey toward enlightenment involved another. A destined mate. And I was given a name for this mysterious hero, supposedly to be meaningful in revealing his identity. “Billy the Kid”. It was made apparent to me that I had reached a certain point in terms of my soul evolution which I would pass only when I had met an united with this “Kid”. Well… I was young, I was on the brink of seeing my most treasured dream come true! I was eager to find this mate, right away!

The faithful in me started by believing there was no need to search, he was coming to find me and would arrive momentarily. The moment stretched somewhat… and by the end of weeks without the hint of a sign, I became… anxious. But ever to be a faithful one, trusting in my universe and believing my destiny, I figured it must be that I had yet to do something in the manner of knowing what to look for. I began consulting oracles for clues to the identity of this special person. One such Oracle, answering the question of where I could go in order to meet Billy, revealed an image of a city skyline that was in the immediate vicinity. I have recently discovered that the town just beyond that skyline has the same name as the place where I ultimately did meet him, nearby the place he has lived all his life, and the oldest building in the skyline bears his initials, however this was over a decade before we met and I certainly couldn’t have guessed his identity from any of those things at the time.

Some months later in an unrelated conversation with friends one of them revealed that he was involved in the construction of one of the buildings in the skyline and that he used to eat his lunch on the top of that building. I was immediately gobsmacked and thought this was it. I had never previously felt any kind of attraction towards this friend and we had been friends for some time. At one stage, he was driving me home from our mutual friends house every night and had always been 100% kind and gentlemanly toward me but I had never even given him a second look the whole time. Upon this revelation I did notice for the first time that I found him reasonably attractive, he was also quite intelligent, masculine and charming. Given that his qualities were substantial for my tastes and he had spontaneously announced himself connected to the Oracle prediction, I figured that I had met my match. I set about in pursuit of the target.

Over the following months, I made many misguided attempts at connecting with “Boots” on a deeper level. Nothing ever came of it. He didn’t like that I smoked cigarettes and spent more hours in contemplation than conversation. Though I’m certain there was a superficial attraction going both ways between us, it never amounted to anything. A year on, we had gone our separate ways and lost contact.

Still convinced that Boots was the person I needed to connect with to complete my enlightenment and frustrated by my failure to achieve a connection, I tried further consulting of Oracles and mystic methods, to secure the identity of the one, guided by my higher self. On one occasion I was prompted while passing a still wet newly poured patch of concrete path to write the name of my destined mate in the concrete. As I knelt down I thought to write Boots, by the time I’d reached out my hand I had decided to write Billy but when my hand touched the material I felt suddenly compelled to write another word, “Fish”,  and I followed it with a smiley face. The year was 1994, texting and digital messaging was of a, then, unknown and unimagined future, at the time a smiley face was quite a random and unusual thing to be signing off with in writing. Many years later, after actually meeting my true other half and completely without any prior recollection of this event, I was running along that path on the way to pay a nostalgic visit to my old home and as I passed the spot was spontaneously reminded that I once wrote something there. I located my mark in the concrete and was stunned to recall that this was the name of “Billy”, a word that he had, only a short time before, used to describe himself in a digital media message signed off with a smiley face! In 1994 I left myself a message, exactly where I could read it 20 years later, pointing me to examine and recognise the meaning of the profound meeting I had just had with my real Twin. And to think, in 1994, I had written it off as another failure, forgotten about it and moved on to another attempt to mystically divine the path to him.

Ultimately, nothing ever came of me and Boots. This is probably for the best as I now realise it was likely I simply manufactured feelings for him in the hope of obtaining my promised stepping stone to further enlightenment. I was obsessed with my ambition to ascend and, in hindsight, think perhaps I sought to use him rather than love him. I’m glad I never got the chance, as hard as I tried, and it took me years to finally give up.

My pursuit of Boots actually lead me to my husband, in no uncertain terms. I literally used an affirmation method to find him, though in my conscious mind undeniably I intended to find Boots. I affirmed that I would walk to my husband, and when I stopped walking, my husband would appear. This is the literal and absolute truth. I did this, and then set out walking. I walked an entire day and into the night. There was an afternoon storm. The rain was particularly heavy and deep mud puddles formed in the places I went to, and I kept walking, determined and faithful. I walked deliberately near places I expected I could happen across the path of Boots, but I did not see a sign of him even once. By late evening I was tired, wet cold and hungry and by chance noticed that I was near the home of a friend whom I knew would be happy to welcome me unannounced. I went to her house and knocked on the door.

My friend lived with two other people who I also knew. One I once went to school with and was my neighbour when I was 12. The other I knew to be gay and had recently heard on the grapevine that he had a new boyfriend. When I got there my friend welcomed me in and went to make a coffee. Sitting on the lounge, in a classy robe, was a handsome young man I had never met. The circumstances appeared to suggest that this was the new boyfriend I had heard about. I greeted him and went to drink coffee with my friend. After coffee, the guys offered me a lift home and I accepted gratefully. I accepted a hug (this was pretty standard in my group of friends) and a gift of cigarettes from the “new boyfriend”, on the way home, and thereafter didn’t see him again for several months.

One day, while meeting friends for lunch in the mall I happened to meet with this “new boyfriend” guy again. In my ear I heard a commanding voice which told me that in ten years, he would be the only person of that entire group of some 20 friends who would be in my life. My immediate thought, still believing he was unavailable to women romantically, was that we would be best friends and room mates or something like that. Compelled by a higher urge, I took his hand and held it. There was no prelude to this and he did not invite it in any way. I simply did it and he simply accepted it and we walked together hand in hand to the place where we became room mates for several months that very day.

You have probably guessed, the “new boyfriend” guy became my husband. Yes, I did eventually find out he wasn’t gay and we did finally marry. But only many years later, we didn’t even really strike up a relationship from this meeting.

It was at least a year later and shortly after I had moved to a place of particular spiritual significance for me and ended a short relationship with another boyfriend that again by fateful event I was brought together with my husband the ultimate time which bonded us for life.

We are always doing magic. Sometimes we do it consciously and are certain we’ve failed, but every time we think, we are creating our circumstances and every time we speak, we are making things happen. My path has been littered, no, carpeted with little pieces of magic that only reveal themselves when I can look back and properly perceive their meaning. And in the end it is consistently that I have found, my magic did work.

Giving Up – The Low Lows

It has been weeks since we’ve had any contact, and there’s no hint of that changing in the foreseeable future. I do need to accept that for what it is. And as much as I know these feelings are real and mutual – after all you said it first – the rest is only in my head and can’t stay there. I wish you so well, even though surely you must find it hard to be well under the circumstances. And I wish you success in all you’re wanting to achieve, with deepest sincerity, because I just Love you, nothing changes that a skerrick. Not even this: I am giving up. I want to stop thinking of you. I want your name to stop appearing everywhere and your voice to stop haunting me. I want to feel like I could care for another. And I want the beauty we have forsaken to not be quite so beautiful, the feelings I need to push aside to not be quite so exquisite and the happiness I’ll, now, never have to be not so joyful. If it would be easier, I could like that, I’m sure. It won’t be so easy, though. And yet, I’m still giving up. Giving up searching for signs and hope. Giving up believing there is any. I’m giving up dreaming of what might be, if you wait for me in the night, I won’t come because I have given up. I can not stop loving you. I tried… I waited for it to go away like it naturally should. It’s stupid that it won’t go away, what’s keeping it here? Not you. Not me, it’s bothering me, I’d rather it gone like the unfortunate ache it is. And I said to myself that you had better be feeling it too; something like this is not for a person to endure alone. But then I’d wish to soothe you of it, so perhaps don’t. I need no more reasons that I might run to your side, that’s for certain. And so, I am that. I am that notch in your belt, that entry in your list, unremarkable among the backdrop of many, unremembered, not the first, not the last. Just a one, of no substantial note. May I fade quickly and leave no trace.