I won’t bore you with a cut and paste rehash of the tons on tons of information about this which can be found across the internet. I’ve read just about all of it, you’ve probably read all of it, and let’s face it, even after all that we still don’t really know all that much, do we? Perhaps I can’t tell you anything a Twin Flame is that you don’t already know, so I’ll tell you about mine. The person whose presence in my life is the only reason I even took notice of such an eccentric concept as a Twin Flame, the person whom without having met I would never have contemplated even entertaining such a fanciful idea.
I did not, in any way or measure, anticipate the arrival of such a person in my life when he so suddenly landed there. In hindsight, there was a veritable inundation of signs and portends that, had I read accurately, certainly should have alerted me to the imminence of his arrival but I largely ignored and misread these to the point that when the moment did come, I was taken completely by surprise and in a moment of distraction by any number of other things.
In that first, fleeting but magical moment, I, my ego, did not comprehend what was happening at all. My mind ran its expectations and preconceptions roughshod over the subtle soul quickening that was triggered. To my ego, it meant the things I was thinking before and nothing new, but here I was locked in a deep gaze with a complete stranger reading a long story of waiting and hoping pouring out from his soul and thinking nothing of it. Still, I should qualify that, reading people is what I have always done, I am no stranger to knowing a person’s feelings and thoughts through their expression and eyes. This was not an unusual thing for me and so, unlike it may be for others, a soul rushing out to greet me through a person’s eyes is not a sign of anything special or unusual about a relationship in my experience. Thus, at this point I, my ego, saw nothing of unique value in the meeting and ignored the strangely erratic behaviour of my soul which, contrarily, danced out of the room holding the memory in her hands like it was the greatest treasure in existence.
I wasn’t anticipating the arrival of any such a person in my life, though I certainly should have been, the signs were there, without a doubt. My short marriage to the man I had loved for half of my life, had hit rock bottom. Between an affair and some feelings of contempt for me I confess, I don’t truly understand, he had seen fit earlier that year to ask me for a mutual separation. My heart was broken and I cried at least a billion tears in the aftermath. But still, never one to admit defeat, I fought the losing battle and clung to the love if my life by a thin thread. He claims, in retrospect, that I was winning, I know, in truth irrefutable, I wasn’t. There was no winning for this relationship. His deep urge to pull away continually resurfaced and his most honest desire was to seek elsewhere the happiness he felt deep down that he could never have with me. I have resolved beyond resenting this fact now, and I will admit, before I was driven quite hysterical with jealous feelings against the one whom he could be happy with. I mean, why not me? Why? How? In what universe could my years of sacrifice, dedication and unwavering devotion not be enough to ensure his fulfillment in the relationship? In what way did my continued loving, giving and sharing not inspire true commitment? What could another person possibly do or be that could elicit a greater devotion from him? I didn’t know, and I didn’t care to. I had done all the groundwork and I had borne all the painful years with undying adoration, I deserved the best him and there was nothing else for it. Anything less would be met with my wrath and unmatched determination to conquer, and would fall at the hands of my fierce will eventually. I won a lot of battles this way, my resolve is as formidable an opponent as you’ll ever meet and if I make up my mind to have a certain thing my way, it finds a method to achieve this. For the years of my relationship with this man I poured the most of my energy into keeping and securing that relationship, against great odds. I am now at peace with the truth of it, though. He could not have true happiness with me. This is something that comes from the soul, and our souls, though fond of each other, were constantly in a state of unease with the arrangement, knowing, as we surely did, that one day our bond must move aside and make way for greater destiny. We’d like to believe our break up was mutual and without unpleasantness. In fact, if you asked, I’m quite sure that’s what he would tell you. And it’s true, of course, to the extent that our soul contract was fulfilled and our mutual karma resolved. To the degree that we don’t have any unfinished business between us and feel at this moment, actualized as individuals fully and completely outside the relationship. But in the sense that, one might infer,our break up didn’t cause us any pain it is not so true. There was anger and bitterness and lashing out, make no mistake. Our breakup was a normal, usual, gloriously human mess.
My husband is one of my soul mates and our relationship was destined, prompted to begin by nudges from my higher self and synchronicity that will make your head spin when you hear them. But I need to start that story a little further in the past and it is such a long digression I’ll have to save it for another post. Suffice it now to say, I should have known from the mere fact of such a fated and critical relationship in my life coming to an end, that Destiny was again on my horizon, but I didn’t. Sign number one that I glanced over carelessly.
In the months leading up to meeting this person, my soul’s eternal counterpart (so she claims most indignantly), I dreamed of being loved so dearly and passionately by a young man that there was no past experience in my life that could begin to match it. In my dreams I had a love so pure and perfect that just thinking of it in my waking hours brought a tear of happiness to my eyes. I knew my husband didn’t love me this much, by a long stretch of difference. To wit, he was currently engaged in an affair and was “letting me down slowly”. In truth, we were already over, I was holding on to nothing. And my dreams were comforting me with the fantasy notion that I could be loved that much, by someone. But it was just that, I was sure, just a fantasy. Love wasn’t really like that. Still, my soul named the fantasy our “passionate boy” and I wished such a person would come into my life. This dream reoccurred several times and I took no sign from it that there was any real chance it could come true. This was sign number two, glazed over and quickly forgotten.
The third sign was truly remarkable and unexpected. Something that had happened once before in my life and I would never have guessed in a million years would ever happen again. A year before my husband and I got together I was with him and a group of friends just meeting up for lunch in a local street mall. He was basically a stranger to me, having met him briefly only once before. From nowhere and unexpectedly a voice came to my ear and said – in ten years from now, all these people will be gone from your life, except him. He will be your best friend and the only one still there. Go to him. – it was the most absurd and remarkable thing ever because ten years later there we were, of all those people who were my friends that day, the only one left in my life was him. But our relationship didn’t form then and there on that day. In fact I thought the message just meant we would be friends and we didn’t get together until more than a year later, after this day was long forgotten. I didn’t recall that message until ten years later, we were going through a break up, the voice came back and reminded me who he was and urged me to fight to keep him and I would win. I followed the instruction a second time and a second time, it proved true.
I never thought I would hear that voice again, but it knocked a third time. Just a few days before I met the man I have come to know is my Twin Flame. My husband (still, but only just) had gotten a few friends together for drinks. There was one guy and a few girls and me. Late in the night the guy and my husband and I were gathered in the kitchen clearing up some leftovers at the end of the night and the voice came to my ear. It said – this time next year, your husband will no longer be in your life, and he (the other guy) will be in his place. Pursue him. – to say the least, I was shocked. I was still fighting to keep my dead relationship with my husband and frankly wanted to call bullsh#@ on the very notion. Yet for some unexplainable reason I knew better than to doubt this voice so I made to pursue, as advised. And it was the very first time I did that it happened. I saw what I thought was him standing with his back to me and so I went right up to him wearing my brightest smile and ready to “play this game” but when he turned around, it was not him but his twin brother standing there inches from me and looking right into my eyes.
Instantly I knew it was a different person. I hadn’t seen these eyes before, I hadn’t met this soul before. Looking back I can see the voice set me up for that meeting. Told me what to wear, how to approach and what to be. In that simple word “pursue” that voice had thrown me blind but perfectly prepared into my first reunion with my Twin Flame. Had I read the sign right, I would have known it was coming, but I read it wrong, and actually that couldn’t have been more right.
The alchemists say that the voice of God knocks three times on the door of the seeker. The first time as the father, then as the Son and at last as the Holy Spirit. On this last knock, the New soul is born and the liberating Alchemy has reached its peak stage. I have been a seeker from birth. When I was 16 my friends were visited by the spirit of a two to three year old boy who told them he belonged with me. My twin was that age at that time. When my twin was 10 I discovered Alchemy and asked for the ingredients for Alchemical gold to be given to me in a dream. One of the ingredients was a ten year old boy who, strangely, loved me. When I was 18 it was revealed to me in my spiritual awakening that before could reach enlightenment I must find the mate who is destined to go with me. I wrote a word in concrete 20 years ago which I was to believe would reveal his identity to me. I had completely forgotten this until this year when I happened to be running by that place and remembered I wrote something there. And when I saw what it was and was reminded in that moment what it was supposed to mean, the impact was staggering. My twin flame had called himself that to me only weeks before.
So what is a Twin Flame? Well to me it is the one that my entire life has been preparing me for, a destiny so deep and profound that it has been calling to me forever, so resoundingly that I can still see the echoes of it in my past. It is a gift so special that the voice of God knocked on my door directly to grant it. And it is a person, for whom my love is so deep and unfathomable that words can never describe.